4 posts tagged “script”

I’ve rewatched the Life on Mars American pilot (the one which will not air) and it’s improved slightly on a second viewing, but not much. Some general comments:

Colm Meaney as Capt Gene Hunt

• Colm Meaney as Capt Gene Hunt: Meaney is a terrific actor—he was brilliant in Layer Cake—and I thought he would bring that sort of demeanour to his Gene Genie. But apart from the orientation scene when he tells Sam it’s 1972, and threatening a witness, he’s plain nice. Even though he knows Sam claims he’s from 2007, he asks him nicely to interview a witness. He also doesn’t smoke, there’s no hint of him being the high sheriff of his domain, nor is there any hint of racism or homophobia. I had hoped he would evoke John Wayne in McQ or Gene Hackman’s Popeye Doyle but the man is given no room to be a “licensed hood” in the script. He’s certainly not ‘an overweight, over-the-hill, nicotime-stained borderline alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding’ as was described in the original series;
• Jason O’Mara as Det Sam Tyler: rigid, and never feeling that much confusion over being back in 1972. With John Simm, we felt a sense of disorientation, but we don’t with O’Mara’s performance. O’Mara is a great leading man but shows none of the vulnerability here that I think the Sam Tyler role needs. I don’t know much of his work, but I believe he has that Celtic edge that’s needed to pull off the role well—but he needs better direction;
• 

  Rachelle Lefevre as Det Annie Cartwright
  Rachelle Lefèvre as Det Annie Cartwright: playing the straight woman to Sam Tyler, it’s not hard to see why she was cast first by David E. Kelley. Her performance is about the only one I would rate highly, and it’s on a par with Liz White’s PW Annie Cartwright without being an attempt at copying her. Although her publicity shots are rather glamorous, the Rachelle Lefèvre in the programme looks more down-to-earth and real. Perfect.

   My other comments about the overall storyline in the earlier post stand. It is missing something in the first half, but the second half and, in particular, the last act where Sam is in the diner to the rooftop scene with Annie are quite well done.

Rachelle Lefevre and Jason O’Mara in Life on Mars (unaired pilot)

   It’s still mostly inconceivable that everyone in the department knows Sam thinks he’s from the future, yet no one throws him into the funny farm. There’s a veiled threat, not much more. The story lacks humour and there is little “how far we have come” about it other than in technology and location—the social commentary seems to have disappeared for a straight twenty-first-century cop show that just happens to be set in 1972. There is only one sexist line—but in a 1972 police department, one would expect much more misogyny. Heck, there was more in The Mary Tyler Moore Show.
   I normally complain about network tinkering, but in this case I think it’s needed. I just hope the remake of the remake fixes the problems in Kelley’s Life on Mars, as some network types tend to worsen things. Simply having more dialogue with the creators—Graham, Pharoah and Jordan—might help, rather than the two hours Kelley reportedly spent. Even The Office in the US had the hand of Gervais and Merchant. Life on Mars needs help, because, put simply, it lacks life.

Columbo in the 21st century

As a Miss (Universe) New Zealand judge, I can’t help thinking that pageantry would be an awfully good setting for a Columbo story, rather than the world of Sandra Bullock and Miss Congeniality. But we should have William Shatner guest-star.

Opening scene: Auckland hotel room. Miss Balclutha lies dead with a knife in her back. There is no blood as this is prime-time TV. Miss Titirangi, Miss Balclutha’s roommate, stands by the fireplace, her hands covered in fake-looking blood (which you can show on prime-time TV). A bloated, overweight crime scene photographer takes a snapshot of the body.

Cop 1 (examining the body): Looks like suicide to me.
Cop 2: Yep, let’s put that on the report.

Lt Columbo enters.

Cop 2: Say, Lt Columbo from the LAPD! It’s all right here, sir. It looks like a regular suicide.
Columbo: Is that a fact? You know, here I am on vacation in New Zealand with my wife, Mrs Columbo, and I see all these police cars, and I say to her, I just have to see what the boys in New Zealand are doing.
Cop 1: We appreciate it, Lieutenant, but I think we can handle it.
Columbo: Do you mind if I just look around? My wife, Mrs Columbo, she’s back in the hotel room watching CSI. I don’t like that show. Oh, too much blood, you know how it is.
Cop 2: Sure, Lieutenant. Pity those cops don’t know how to solve crimes like us real ones, huh?
Columbo: Oh, you can say that again.

Columbo turns to Miss Titirangi.

Columbo: Ma’am, can you help me out here?
Miss Titirangi: Of course, Lieutenant, but you have to know I’m pretty shaken up. I came back—I’ve been assigned as her roommate—and just found her like … that.
Columbo: Oh, I didn’t want to know all that. I was just wondering if you could stand over there so I could be nearer the fireplace. This coat, you know, it doesn’t have lining, and it’s colder here in New Zealand than in LA in April.
Miss Titirangi: That’s fine Lieutenant. Would you like a drink?
Columbo: No, Ma’am, I’m fine. But I just have to ask myself something.
Miss Titirangi: Yes?
Columbo (eyeing the coffee table): You see that DVD of Miss Congeniality that she has on the coffee table? I find that strange.
Miss Titirangi: Why is that strange, Lieutenant? A lot of us in beauty pageants have seen that film. Michael Caine is so dreamy. If you’re into old dudes.
Columbo: Aw, he’s not that old. Is he old? Maybe you’re right. But can I ask you one more question?
Miss Titirangi: Er, OK.
Columbo: Why is it that the store security sticker is still on it? She hasn’t watched it. So why would she kill herself?
Miss Titirangi: Well, you know, she was always a bit … unstable. I hear that she’s not even from Balclutha.

Columbo, seemingly satisfied, begins stepping toward the door.

Columbo: One more question, Ma’am. I won’t be a minute.
Miss Titirangi: Make it fast, Lieutenant.
Columbo (going to the coffee table, picking up items): And you see this greeting card she bought? She hasn’t filled it out yet.
Miss Titirangi (getting frustrated): She was a beauty queen. Maybe she was illiterate?
Columbo: I have to ask myself why she would even buy that if she was planning to kill herself.
Cop 2: Lieutenant, we might have to wrap it up here.
Columbo: That’s fine, Constable, I really should get back to my hotel room and see my wife, Mrs Columbo.

Columbo and the cops begin leaving. Columbo turns around.

Columbo (to Miss Titirangi): One more thing, Ma’am.
Miss Titirangi (irate): Yes, Lieutenant?
Columbo: How come your roommate left an envelope under the couch?
Miss Titirangi: What envelope?
Cop 1: Wow, he’s good, I never saw that.
Cop 2: Yeah, well you sat your Police College exam six times, Einstein.
Cop 1: Better than sitting it seven times. And you’re not in Guatemala now, Dr Ropata.
Columbo: This envelope, under the couch. I wonder what’s inside. Can we open it? Can we do that, Ma’am?
Miss Titirangi (irate and puzzled): Sure.

Columbo retrieves the envelope and opens it, pulling out photographs.

Cop 1 (examining the photographs): That’s Miss Titirangi!
Cop 2: Wow, that’s some serious girl-on-girl action.
Columbo: Is that you, Ma’am?
Miss Titirangi: No! Oh, just stop it! Stop it!
Cop 2: Your conscience finally got you, hey Miss?
Miss Titirangi: No, the questions! Stop him asking questions!
Columbo: One more question, Ma’am.
Miss Titirangi: No! OK, I did it, just stop asking me stuff! I can’t handle it!
Columbo: It won’t take any time, just one more.
Miss Titirangi: Stop it! Stop it! I did it, I knifed her in the back, see? She was blackmailing me with those photos, saying that she’d show them to the judges, especially Jack! And he’s the mean one! I came up behind her after she had been to Whitcoulls for the DVD and the greeting card! Please, lock me up. I confess. I’ll do life. Just no more questions!

Cop 1 and Cop 2 begin putting handcuffs on Miss Titirangi.

Cop 1: You have the right to remain silent …

Fade out. CBS’s ‘Mystery Movie Theme’ plays.

Author’s note: to the Trekkies expecting a walk-on from William Shatner, you’re too late. He played the crime scene photographer at the beginning.
   N. B.: This did not happen at this year’s pageant. Not exactly like this, anyway.

Some of the best lines from the whole series were in Ashes to Ashes’ finalé:

Gene: ‘Is it just me, or are you talking in another dimension?’
Gene: ‘I can grow a moustache but I draw a line at a perm.’
Viv: ‘Pickpocket, a drunk, a guy who thinks he’s Sheena Easton. Same old, same old.’
Gene: ‘I’ve seen your rump, and I’ve seen more padding strapped to Ian Botham’s legs.’

and these only work in the context of the show:

Gene: ‘Bye, little lady. Any problems, you just call the Gene Genie.’
Gene: ‘I’m everywhere, Bolly. I was needed and I was there.’
Shaz: ‘I’m good, thanks to you, a guardian angel.’

   Final line was ‘Luigi, get me a beer,’ which takes me back to the same point in Life on Mars (final line, ‘Pub’).
   Well done Ashley Pharoah!

Name in 12 fonts

Darn, now I find out we have 12 Chinese fonts on our head office computers and I see one that may have been better for our cards (third from the top)! I think back to even a few years ago when typesetting this on an English-language machine would have been impossible. (My name is set above.) Ignorance is not bliss.