6 posts tagged “meme”

I found this on another Vox blog here and I wonder how appropriate some of this is.

You know you’re Chinese when:

1. You look like you are 18 years old.—Hmm. I looked 18 when I was, well, 18.

2. You like to eat chicken feet.—Of course, totally normal.

3. You suck on fish heads and fish fins.—I suck at eating them, or literally suck on them? The former is true. Can’t stand bony stuff. No idea why this is particularly Chinese.

4. You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror.—What? No.

5. You sing karaoke.—No, that’s the Japanese more. They invented it.

6. Your house is covered with tile.—No. And not even in Hong Kong.

7. Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease.—No.

8. Your stove is covered with aluminium foil.—Underneath the elements, but again this is not distinctively Chinese, surely.

9. You leave the plastic covers on your remote control.—No.

10. You’ve never kissed your Mom or Dad.—What? Who writes this BS? Of course I’ve kissed my parents.

11. You’ve never hugged your Mom or Dad.—As I said, who writes this BS? Some racist whose only impression of Chinese people is an episode of Bonanza?

12. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.—No.

13. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your “Coke bottle” glasses.—No.

14. You’ve worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.—No. Apart from that fact I don’t know how old fifth grade is, but it sounds awful young. I wore glasses from age 13.

15. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.—A little, but it’s usually too short to do that.

16. You’ll haggle over something that is not negotiable.—No. Again, stereotype. Again, my suspicion of some racist writing these BS positions.

17. You love to use coupons.—I wouldn’t call it love. I call it practical. If you have a coupon and can save a bit, wouldn’t you? And why is this distinctively Chinese behaviour?

18. You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol.—I know where the cheapest petrol is.

19. You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.—No way. I know when the parking gods aren’t on my side.

20. You take showers at night!—More often than in the day. Anyone remember that Palmolive Gold ad in New Zealand with the white couple where the guy had to shower at night?

21. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.—Of course, especially if I can go to a supermarket and get the same thing for a tenth of the price.

22. You don’t mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.—Yes I bloody well mind.

23. Most girls have more body hair than you, if you are male.—Um, no. Not in my experience.

24. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.—Yes, it’s only good manners. So the writer of these kept his eyes open at yum char. Well done. Better than having them closed. Or ramming chopsticks up your nostrils.

25. You say, ‘Aiya!’ and ‘Wah!’ frequently.—Define frequently. So, no.

26. You don’t want to wear your seat belt because it is uncomfortable.—BS.

27. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.—No.

28. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can re-use the paper.—No. I tear into it. If it’s that plasticky type of gift-wrap that’s hard to tear, then I might be more careful. If I can reuse paper, I do. Again, why is this particularly Chinese?

29. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50 per cent off.—Of course. And I have enough to last me a decade. Why not buy 10 for 40¢?

30. You have a vinyl table-cloth on your kitchen table.—No.

31. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.—No.

32. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.—OK, I have old stuff in there. So does Homer Simpson. Last time I looked, he wasn’t Chinese, though he is yellow.

33. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.—Don’t have a dishwasher.

34. You have never used your dishwasher.—Don’t have a dishwasher.

35. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.—Not a Thermos, but I do keep some boiled water in a jug, and some cooled boiled water in a bottle. A good habit to get into, as I discovered while travelling.

36. You eat all meals in the kitchen.—No, that’s what dining rooms are for.

37. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.—Grocery bags, yes; no to the other two. Bags are good to put rubbish in for the recycling collection day. Again, not exclusively Chinese.

38. You have a piano in your living room.—No.

39. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).—No. I thought in no. 36 we all ate in kitchens?

40. You twirl your pen around your fingers.—No. Again, did the writer of these just know maybe one Chinese person who did this and surmised that the other billion do this?

41. You hate to waste food.—Of course.

42. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.—No.

43. You don’t own any real Tupperware only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take-out containers and jam jars.—I own real Tupperware. I do have some take-out containers, which I save up and give to people I know who run take-out joints. It’s called being environmentally conscious.

44. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.—Who the f*** does this? Seriously. Who?!

45. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.—A few, but then I get samples at work. I certainly don’t take the hotel’s.

46. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These snacks are always dried and include dried plums, mango, ginger, and squid.—No. The writer has obviously never been to New Zealand.

47. You wash your rice at least two to three times before cooking it.—A couple of times: a wash, then two rinses.

48. Your Dad thinks he can fix everything himself.—And he can.

49. The dashboard of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys.—I’m Chinese. That means I don’t have a Japanese car because of WWII, just like how some Frenchies don’t have a German car for the same reason (though I know a Jewish guy with a Merc). I do have great Japanese friends so my beef is not with individuals: I am just making a statement on behalf of my own kind. And why would some nut put toys inside his car like that? Stereotype.

50. You don’t use measuring cups.—Yes I do. I have a lovely orange plastic set.

51. You beat eggs with chopsticks.—Yes.

52. You have a teacup with a cover on it.—No. I thought white folks do this. Yes, all white folks. No, it depends on the person, surely.

53. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling information costs 50 cents.—Not always, but if I can save 50¢, why not? I’d rather Google a number or look it up. It’s actually quicker than trying to spell something to someone who can’t speak English.

54. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.—No.

55. If you are male, you clap at something funny and if you are female, you giggle whilst placing a hand over your mouth.—Clap? No, more a slap on my own thigh if it’s really good. Again: who writes this shit?

56. You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions.—Yeah, duh. Like how French people like French films in their original undubbed versions. Like how English people like English films in their original undubbed versions.

57. You love Chinese martial arts’ films.—No more than any other genre. There are some crap ones out there. Again: stereotype.

58. You’ve learnt some form of martial arts.—Some basics. Mostly to give writers of stereotyped BS an ass-whooping.

59. Shaolin actually means something to you.—No more than anyone else who knows it.

60. You like congee with thousand-year-old (century) eggs.—I like congee; eggs, depends.

61. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.—Ew, no.

62. You never call your parents just to say hi.—Bollocks. When I travel, I always call my Dad. When my mother was alive, I called.

63. If you don’t live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you’ve eaten, even if it’s midnight.—OK, they do do this. Because they care.

64. When you’re sick, your parents tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods due to 热气.—Of course: fundamental health principle. Actually, this is one thing where I am surprised that there is no western equivalent.

65. You know what 热气 is.—Uh, duh. I’m Chinese.

66. You email your Chinese friends at work, even though you only 10 ft apart.—What? I used to have some white students who did this, even when they sat behind one another. So I could summarize that all whites do this, like the writer of these points who probably knew two Chinese who did this.

67. You use a face cloth.—Yes. And, miraculously, I use it on my face.

68. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat places.—BS.

69. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewellery or electronics.—Jewellery, probably; electronics, probably not.

70. You save your old “Coke bottle” glasses even though you’re never going to use them again.—There this writer goes again, about “Coke-bottle” glasses. First, my eyesight was never that bad. I do save old glasses, but I paid good money for them. My father does, too, and he’s been able to reuse his frames.

71. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.—Yes. So I can use it on people who write stereotypical cobblers.

72. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.—Yes. Again, I know some people of other races who do this.

73. You know what moon cakes are.—Duh, yes.

74. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.—I buy stuff on special, but I do that with most things. I bought two packs of 16 once.

75. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.—What?

76. You iron your own shirts.—Sometimes, not all the time.

77. You play a musical instrument.—Yes. I guess this is so Chinese in the minds of the original writer.

78. Even if you’re totally full, if someone says they’re going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you’ll finish them.—Who am I? Joey Tribbiani?

79. You’ve eaten a red bean popsicle.—No.

80. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people’s homes.—Has happened.

81. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.—Yes. Good manners.

82. You majored in something practical like engineering, accounting, medicine or law.—I did a law degree, so I couldn’t not major in law, right?

83. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you’re married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighbourhood.—I lived with my folks when I was 30, or, more accurately, Dad lived with me. And this is exclusively Chinese why? And this is unusual because …? I can again name you people of other races who are equally close to their parents.

84. You don’t tip more than 10 per cent at a restaurant, and if you do, you tip Chinese delivery guys or waiters more.—I typically tip 15 per cent if I were to tip, regardless of the server’s race.

85. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.—No.

86. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don’t eat the last piece of food on the table.—Yes.

87. You know why there are 88 reasons.—There aren’t. There are only 87 on this list.

   Conclusion: the original author maybe knew two Chinese people who exhibited some of these traits and reckoned they might just extend it to a billion people. Dumbass. Being generous, I probably could check off 30 of the above. Out of a billion-plus, there’s probably more chance of differences than in a nation of a few million. I found some of these ignorant, which is probably why I did it: to show that no race can be summarized in a few stereotypical points. 

An interesting meme from Janette’s blog today, and it seems as good a way as any to see in 2009. It seems rather biased to the US though, with that country taking more of the tourist spots than the others.

Copy the list and highlight the things you’ve done.
Give your readers much more than they ever wanted to know about you!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawai’i
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma
65. Gone skydiving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a cheque
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chicken pox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a mobile phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day
 

[Cross-posted] Normally I don’t do memes but since this has come from a real-life friend of mine, as opposed to someone I only know online, I am making an exception. So, Laura, here are my songs. (And you know me, I break all rules, which I will kind of do here!)

The rules
   1. Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
   2. Share five songs you are embarrassed to admit to others that you like and tell why.
   3. Tag seven random people at the end of your post.

The songs
   Here’s the thing: not a heck of a lot embarrasses me, especially not song preferences. So I will name some songs that you’d expect me to be embarrassed about but I am not.
   1. ‘Gin and Juice’, as performed by Richard Cheese. I know next to nothing about hip-hop though I eventually did hear the original done by Snoop Dogg. However, I heard the lounge version of this by Richard Cheese and his band first. It’s quite pleasant to listen to.
   2. ‘Jerusalem’. ‘Did those feet in ancient time / Walk upon England’s mountains green?’ Grand stuff.
   3. ‘On the Inside’, the theme from the Australian soap Prisoner, or as it was called in the UK, Prisoner in Cell Block H. My mother was a midwife and after school I would wait for her at the hospital while she finished work. I’d go into the TV room where the mothers were smoking away and watching Prisoner. Being a child, in those days, you couldn’t go and switch the channel while adults were watching. So I tended to see the end credits and the haunting song, and I can probably still sing parts of it today.
   4. ‘Diamonds Are Forever’, performed either by Shirley Bassey in the original or David McAlmont in a cover version conducted by Nicholas Dodd. Boys aren’t meant to like this song, but I love it. And McAlmont’s androgynous version is actually very good. And come on, it’s composed by John Barry with lyrics by Don Black. That makes it cool.
   5. ‘Have You Never Been Mellow?’, performed by Olivia Newton-John. It might have been composed by John Farrar. O. N.-J. rocks. There, I said it.

As I once blogged, I tend not to tag people and leave it to them to take up these memes at their leisure. So, if you wish to share your embarrassing songs, please go ahead.

I tend not to tag others in memes but I did receive one from Steve Betz today, and thought it would be rather fun when I can’t think of anything else to write.

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?
Expanding Lucire, most likely. In June 1998, Richard Spiegel and I decided we would start covering New York fashion, at least on the street. I am proud to note we are one of the few dot coms from that first wave still around today.

2) What are five things on my to-do list for today?
It’s already 11 p.m. here. Emails. Tomorrow I do have a few phone calls to clients to make and chase up a few things from other parts of my company that need to be sorted. Pay my credit card. Pay a couple of personal expenses. Help my team on layouts.

3) Snacks I enjoy.
Potato chips of various flavours. I snack on one type for two weeks, then get bored of it, then move on to another.

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire.
A few options. First is to give $995,000,000 of it away to various causes. Second is to give less of it away but retain enough to set up some philanthropic foundations, while having a small amount for the security of my family. If we are talking about a billion as the British once understood it—$1,000,000,000,000—then setting up a model community or society within a country might not be a bad idea. How about buying Baja California from Mexico and doing it there?

5) Places I have lived.
Hong Kong, New Zealand, New York, California, Sweden, France (the last few for under-90-day periods). Plus a lot of places here and there for a few weeks.

6) Jobs I have had.
Always been self-employed but among the jobs I have had to do to make a few bucks include calligrapher, typeface designer, web designer, graphic designer, publisher, brand consultant, author, marketing strategist.

If you wish to participate in this meme, please go ahead, and let me know if you have or put in a link in the comments. (Sorry, Steve, for changing the rules.)

Ron tagged me. I swore I wouldn’t do another one of these. Some of the questions don’t seem too relevant to me. Sorry, Ron! Hope you don’t mind if I didn’t tag anyone else.

Four jobs that I had in my life:
1) Proprietor, then CEO, Jack Yan & Associates (1987–present), which includes being publisher of Lucire. Don’t know if the project work or my directorships at organizations count as jobs, so I shouldn’t really list them. I lectured for a while, and present on TV, but I still don’t think I should list them. These other gigs were consequences of my main jobs, not jobs in themselves.

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1) None. Nothing is that good.

Four places you have never gone, but want to:
1) Somewhere in Africa
2) Somewhere in South America

Four songs on my iTunes or in my MP3 player (or CD player) right now:
1) I don’t own an MP3 player, do not use iTunes (I delete it each time it comes with QuickTime), and do not own a stand-alone CD player. There is nothing in my DVD drives or my DVD player presently. So none.

Four TV shows I love or like:
1) The Persuaders
2) The Professionals
3) The Paradise Club
4) Alarm für Cobra 11: die Autobahnpolizei

Four places you have been on vacation:
1) Cannes
2) Monaco
3) Minneapolis, Minn.
4) Champillon, Marne

Four of my favourite foods are:
1) Char kway teow
2) Gravalax
3) Lemon chicken 
4) Stir-fry chicken breast with mushrooms 

Four places I would rather be right now:
1) I am in the right place right now.

[Cross-posted] Randy Thomas tagged me for Labor Day in the US with this meme. I spotted it among my Technorati Favorites, though, curiously, my end-of-month posts never made it there, nor have any posts from my or Randy’s Vox blogs. (Apologies to those who “favourited” me.)

1. Are you craving anything and if so, what?
   This morning, I craved Belgian waffles—gaufres. Leuven did some pretty nice ones for me for lunch.

2. What is the weather outside, and do you wish it would change?
   It’s overcast and windy. I wish it were sunnier. It’s spring!

3. What two web sites do you think you will go to next after you are finished here?
   I might visit some blogs—I was more prolific in commenting, and I wonder what K and Kate are up to. I haven’t left comments with their blogs for a while.

4. Do you wish you were somewhere else and if so, where?
   This sounds soppy, but anywhere with Brigid. Which, I imagine, means London—for now.

5. Do you wish you were someone else, and if so, who?
   Heck, I would never wish I was someone else.

Folks whom I tag: K, Kate, Cas and Robin (only if you guys want to do this!).