16 posts tagged “kiwi”

The first time I read about Philip Glenister getting his driver off for speeding (35 mph in a 30 mph zone) I chuckled, as he adopted his Gene Hunt persona. The cop saw the actor and said, according to Glenister, ‘I’m terribly sorry about this sir, I’ll let you off this time if you don’t mind.’
   Glenister had apparently said to him prior, ‘Yes, I’m the one on the booze, not him. Go and catch some proper criminals.’
   Then I found the earliest article on the incident in the Daily Mail tabloid which contrasted this with others in the UK:

   Earlier this week it emerged that Sydney Duffy was fined for doing 35mph in a 30mph area when he tried to leave the road quickly as his wife had an epileptic fit. The 63-year-old has appealed against the fine from Cumbria police and will appear in court.
   And Stephanie Cornwall was issued with a £60 fine after rushing to hospital when her six year-old son Alfie was mauled by a dog. The mother, 40, from Leicestershire, was travelling at 37mph in a 30mph zone.

   One law for celebrities?
   The Met should have more sense than to fine people like Mr Duffy and Ms Cornwall.
   At least here the traffic cops allow for some speedometer error and that humans cannot be expected to constantly monitor their speed when traffic safety is at issue. If you kept staring at your speedo, you might get involved in an accident!
   It is worse here in New Zealand than it was 30 years ago but by and large, 5 mph is not something for the cops to get that upset about.
   I know there are exceptions but I am talking in a general sense. As we work in metric, 5 mph is roughly 8 km/h.
   The second incident probably would have been frowned on more today, less so 30 years ago: 7 mph goes past that 10 km/h leeway that some cops have as a rule of thumb.
   I tend to drive at the legal limit but realize that due to speedometer error I can be anywhere between 5 km/h over or under.
   The ‘Your speed is’ digital signs around some parts of New Zealand are helpful as a means of calibrating my own speedometer—so why do so many of them have their displays closed?
   They tend to show that my car’s 50 km/h is actually 47 km/h so I tend to go closer to 55 km/h on my speedo.
   The problem is that speeding here is governed by legislation that brings strict liability, which basically means “no excuses”.
   But I would think a Kiwi copper would have been able to judge in both cases somewhat better than his or her British counterpart.
   I am not sure if we would distinguish between celebrities and everyday folk. Any stories? I know of one incident told to me by an eyewitness (the passenger) where a rich driver was let off because of the car he drove, and the officers wound up going into macho mode to discuss the vehicle and neglected to issue a fine for excessive speeding. I cannot reveal more since I am not permitted to, and I would hope it is exceptional rather than commonplace.
   If a flash car could get me off a fine, I would have really opened up the Astons and Porsche 911 I have driven, but I prefer my clean licence (knock on wood) and was much more careful.

I know, cute, huh? My friend Bevan’s kids, Andrew and Jessica, at the barbecue yesterday, raiding Bevan’s cousin Sonia’s costumes (no, Chinese people do not regularly walk around like this).
   Remember when you went to family functions and there were strange “uncles” and “aunts” who could not possibly be related to you, making weird comments at you while you ran around and just wanted to play?
   Oh, man, I have turned into one of those weird-ass uncles.
   But the kids got used to me and actually understand Cantonese, though they tend to reply in English. They are both extremely bright for their ages (two and four).
   I really noticed how the tables turned yesterday and seeing Bevan’s kids made me feel a bit old. Bevan’s older brother, Aaron, and I were in the same year at primary (elementary) school. And Aaron and I did reminisce about school days and wondered what happened to that dude Karl Urban who used to be in our class. Wonder if he ever became famous or something … Remember how he used to like acting?

First there was Kath & Kim, the US version, for NBC. Now, ABC brings you … from the maker of Veronica Mars … the American version of Outrageous Fortune!
   I can see OF work in the US though no doubt the hard-out Kiwi fans of the show will join all the Brits (who have had their fair share of American remakes), and moan. We will say what an inferior version the American one is and how it misses all our Newzild subtexts.
   The American Outrageous Fortune will join the American Life on Mars and the American Kath & Kim on American TV screens this autumn, I mean the American version of autumn, which is called fall. 
   We are certainly not immune from taking someone else’s concept and running with it, what with the New Zealand version of two British shows, Strictly Come Dancing and Pop Idol, and a Danish show that is now called Sensing Murder here. It’s only notable because aside from Popstars, New Zealand shows have not made it hugely overseas in licensed format.
   And the Dutch can get angry about the British versions of some of their shows like Big Brother and The Generation Game.
   Actually, I welcome our trans-Pacific transplanting and I hope the creators of Outrageous Fortune can bring in some useful royalty income into New Zealand.
   The irony is that this is probably the sort of show TV2 would air here in an effort to beat TV3, which shows the original OF.
   If we are all licensing each other’s shows, then how about a local version of Alarm für Cobra 11 but with a Māori guy and a white guy?

I wish that was a joke, but it isn’t.
   I went to preview a New Dowse exhibition on transsexuality, intersexuality and the transgender community with its communications’ officer Mandy Herrick and coincidentally, was told by a friend last night about a situation at a gym in New Zealand.
   They had two intersexual (‘hermaphrodite’) clients and other patrons petitioned the owner to remove them, otherwise they would not pay their fees.
   Shame on us as New Zealanders.
   We go around saying how open-minded we are, scoff at other nations, point out how we had the world’s first transsexual MP—but no, when we confront intersexual people in our own neighbourhood, we do exactly what pre-US Civil Rights racists did when they hung out ‘Whites Only’ signs.
   For crying out loud, these two clients were born this way—and you’ll be even more shocked to learn that the gym opened itself to a human rights’ violation by cancelling the two people’s memberships.
   Imagine if they were taken to court and how much business they would have lost if word got out.
   Wouldn’t it have been better to have pointed out to the prejudiced clients that if they couldn’t accept the situation, then they could take their business elsewhere?
   Or go so far as to build an extra changing room and encourage more open-minded clients all round?
   I was pretty shocked that this went on. 
   I am not prejudice-free and I will freely admit to thinking, ‘That looks a bit odd’—as I did when I looked at some of the work that the New Dowse will be showing. I don’t know anyone who has told me they are intersex, hence my surprise. Then again, I don’t go around asking. I get over it. I accept that this is part of God’s plan and everyone is created in His own image.
   And there is a clear right and wrong in this case. Hopefully as time goes by more of us will look at this story and equate it to the racism of earlier times.

‘[S]urely it is a political philosophy to like what one sees of life in this country and to devote oneself to preserving and enhancing all that is good in our multi-cultural heritage, and to combating those influences which would seek to alter or destroy it. It is not necessary to be an obtrusive conservationalist or an obtrusive egalitarian or an obtrusive devotee of a simple lifestyle. It is enough to be a typical New Zealander, because by and large he is all of these, though unobtrustively.’—Rt Hon Robert Muldoon, Prime Minister of New Zealand, 1977*

* R. D. Muldoon: Muldoon. Wellington: A. H. & A. W. Reed 1977, p. 97.

I am morally against bank fees, and the ANZ Bank has usually been very good at making sure that I am not charged them.
   However, since late last year, despite protests, they haven’t been able to rid me of a $5 per month charge on an account I have held with the bank since the 1990s.
   So, it’s time to leave.
   I understand that the Taranaki Savings Bank has a no-fee policy for balances over $5,000, and it may be time to go patriotic and support a non-foreign-owned place.
   The problem is: there is a single branch out on Lambton Quay here in Wellington. I have enquired before about how deposits are made but if there are Voxers in New Zealand out there banking with TSB, I’d like to learn how you’ve found the process in practice.
   I also have a US dollar-only account, which TSB told me I could have. It’s also fee-free, which beats the $20 per month charge ANZ makes. So how is TSB when it comes to crediting US dollar cheques for a US dollar account?
   ANZ needs to realize it needs to keep a promise. It said it would fix things. It said that with the demise of the old type of account I had, there would be no difference. On both occasions the bank lied.
   I can afford the $5 but it’s the principle. They are making money off my money. In essence, they are borrowing money from me.
   If I borrow from them, they charge me interest.
   If they borrow from me, I should expect at least that I am not penalized for my generosity.
   This is how banks work.
   Of course, with even banking lawyers fuzzy on their understanding of such fundamental laws as the Bills of Exchange Act 1908, I am not surprised that banks themselves operate on questionable advice.
   They have suckered New Zealanders into expecting that fees are normal. Kiwis, they are not normal. They are actually immoral.
   I don’t think you will find any banker who went through the traditional training who will agree that bank charges make sense.
   Why do you think there are seniors’ packages that are fee-free? Because the seniors remember what banking is really like. Treat them like someone not old enough to have a bus pass and a pension, then you can watch Grey Power revolt.
   TSB customers, give me a shout if you have some advice on how your bank is in real life.
   I want my bank to treat me like an OAP.

N.B.: This does not affect Lucire LLC, only Jack Yan & Associates. It will take me a few weeks to sort this out due to busy-ness, so if clients are reading this, don’t change your payment method just yet!—JY

I hope Bret and Jemaine become bigger and bigger stars. These two blokes, from Wellington, are the duo Flight of the Conchords, who, domestically, suffered from under-promotion—until they scored their radio and TV series outside New Zealand. Now, of course, their TV show is arguably Prime TV’s biggest hit. It’s a story that’s very familiar to New Zealanders and even Canadians.
   However, before the series took off here—and while Americans were lapping up the Flight of the Conchords show on HBO—there was this documentary as the lads went to Austin, Texas, airing on TV3 in New Zealand a while back. Slightly different flavour to the series, but this is a documentary—the lads’ first. The obligatory dead-pan humour is there and fans should enjoy this.
   The third part starts off with “man in the street” interviews, with folks not knowing things about New Zealand.
   In case any US readers are asking, yes, we find them funny, too, and their tone is intentionally dead-pan and naïve even by our standards.
   Unlike songs such as ‘Mutha Ucker’, the f word does come up here.

The Irish newspaper, The New Zealand Herald, has finally posted a preview of the new series Ride with the Devil, premièring Tuesday, TV2, at 11 p.m. Its star, Andy Wong, put it on to the show’s Facebook group.
   Though it gets me all the time: what are ‘Asians’? I saw this term all over the article.
   Kazakhs are Asians. Indians are Asians. Eastern Russians are Asians. If they mean ‘Chinese’, then they should say it. We’re not ashamed of our heritage.
   What are New Zealanders? Shall we say ‘Australasians’ from now on?

[Cross-posted] During my last trip to Auckland, I was telling a lot of people this: Ride with the Devil, premières TV2, September 4, 11 p.m.
   This is a new TV show that stars my friend Caleigh Cheung, an occasional correspondent with Lucire. It’s her first major role in a networked drama, I believe, but with this desire of New Zealanders to see themselves on screen in decent locally made dramas, why the heck is this scheduled at 11 p.m.? And what is on in prime time? My House My Castle? Fear Factor?
   I am finally allowed to talk about the show and it is very indicative of modern New Zealand. Directly from the release (please excuse the strange capitalization of the title that seems to vary):

Ride With The Devil, (screening Tuesday nights, 11pm on TV2 from Sep 4th) is based around new-Asian youth Lin Jin (Andy Wong, Shortland Street) and the friendship he forms with bad-boy racer Kurt Williams (Xavier Horan, The Market). Written and directed by Murray Keane (Shortland Street, Outrageous Fortune) and produced by Rachel Jean (The Market) for Isola Productions, Ride with the Devil was made with money from the New Zealand On Air Innovation Initiative.

   From a race point of view, it is the first time that Chinese New Zealanders have been shown as regular Kiwis in principal roles. Even the United States has not managed to give the Chinese people that—the nearest it got was Margaret Cho’s sitcom about being Korean–American. The only other way Korean–Americans can get in to US media with any regularity is when a judge sues them for losing his pants.
   There is some adult material, which does explain the later timeslot, but I understand that even 7 p.m. soaps like Shortland Street shows characters in sex scenes now. So why not 9 p.m. or 9.30 p.m.? Perhaps TVNZ will care to explain, but as an outsider (phew) I can say that it is once again symptomatic of the lazy and unimaginative management that is driving this country on to the rocks. Hang on—that was from another car thing.
   Keane promises verisimilitude and that the stories have been taken from real life. Caleigh had shown me some of the pics taken on set (including her stuntmen—yes, men) and it does show they have the rice burners properly souped up.
   It also sees the return of Shortland Street’s Angela Bloomfield.
   I do hope this gets renewed for a second season even if it sounds like it mixes suburban Auckland with The Fast and the Furious, for it really does seem like a drama that will strike a chord in New Zealand. And my radar with trends is seldom wrong. I just tend to be ahead.
   And if that still doesn’t work in getting viewers, I think the men and some women in this country will be rather impressed with our Cal, who tells me her character is rather chameleon-like. That is an euphemism for sexy.

Further to an earlier post: so how did the New Zealand Government get us folks, happily driving around in natural gas cars with a huge natural-gas network of stations nationally, back into petrol (or gasoline to our American readers) in 1996? Well, there was this ad:

If you’re going to drive a gas guzzler, shouldn’t the birds and the trees know? Sure, you can use LPG and CNG. But they don’t even smell strong. Let ’em feel the power of petrol—good, healthy petrol that really say you’ve arrived. Let your V8 make your winters warmer. There might not be many tigers left out there, but you can stick them in your tank. Petrol. In 91 and 96 octane.

   OK, so there wasn’t that ad. It was pretty easy though: the National Government had been raising the tax on natural gas for a few years. When that didn’t sway New Zealanders from using domestically made natural gas and not depleting our foreign exchange reserves, they plain turned off the tap.
   In 1996, it was announced to all the gas stations that there would be no more CNG. LPG would continue, but the stations—all with the warm, fuzzy names of Shell, BP, Mobil and Caltex (part-owned by Texaco, which forms the Tex in the name)—were somehow hazy about its availability. Panic ensued. We got rid of our gas-powered Ford Sierra. (You could switch between CNG and petrol. Most converted cars since the late 1970s were dual-fuel, since the hybrid term had not been coined for cars then. Can someone please tell me or any New Zealander why the Toyota Prius is novel?)
   As it turned out, there were still plenty of LPG stations around, but by then we were driving around and letting the birds and the trees know.
   These days, you tend to see cab drivers use LPG but preciously few other people. This is a far cry from the 1980s and early 1990s, when natural gas-powered cars were normal. All of a sudden, the Labour Government thinks E10 is revolutionary. E10, in this country, is not revolutionary.
   Since 1996, we now happily pay 50 per cent more for petrol, polluting our environment and using US dollars to do so. Go, petrol! Yay, OPEC, New Zealand politicians love you!