380 posts tagged “humour”

Ever wandered into a music or video store here and there are sections marked ‘A–Z’, ‘New Zealand’ and ‘Foreign’?
   The biggest section is the first one, and often we have the smallest section.
   Think about it though: shouldn’t everything not in ‘New Zealand’ be under ‘Foreign’?
   The other one I get a kick out of is ‘World’, which Borders uses. Shouldn’t everything be under ‘World’? I mean, if you have this category, there is no need to have any others.

While I wouldn’t consider myself a “birther” (I am far too left-wing, relatively speaking, for that), there’s a part of me that wishes the American president would show his birth certificate, just to silence a good group of his critics and get them focusing on more important matters. I publicly said so at the time when the matter first came up and yes, it did seem odd, even if his challengers in the courts’ system had fairly ill-prepared cases.
   However, I remember how John Major, then PM of the UK, resisted showing his O levels, which he also had sealed, because he felt they weren’t important. Eventually, he released them, and his marks were unremarkable. They made absolutely no difference to his authority and it was a “nothing” story that the British media were good at pushing. Maybe President Obama is taking a lesson from a conservative politician: showing it would be a waste of time.
   I imagine in the US, things are so divisive politically that if President Obama were to show his (original, long form) birth certificate, there would still be people saying it was faked. I have read some comical criticisms even of his certification of live birth, pointing out the colour differences between ones they had seen and the one on the President’s campaign site. I guess those people have never used more than one scanner, or more than one digital camera.
   The political right, even if its case had merit, kept shooting itself in the foot with some of the less thought-out theories. I admit there is a question that could be easily cleared up, but Obama’s own critics are clouding the issue. While they’re doing that, then the President and his allies can sit back comfortably.
   Still, just to get a bit of closure as I potentially enter local politics, here’s a 37-year-old piece of paper (in fact, it is 37 years today that Dad had my birth registered):

   Queen Elizabeth Hospital is still there, as is 4 Victory Avenue, though we soon moved into the front apartment. Here is how the entry to the building looks these days:     Now, that should all check out, not that local politics gets as nasty as American national politics.

I saw a bit of this on telly, but didn’t expect it to be passed around the internet as much. Background: ‘Safer communities together’ is the local slogan for the police, much like ‘To protect and serve’ for some American police departments.

I’m not sure how my friend Pearl came up with the scenario of Agent Smith from The Matrix (shown at left in one of his many guises—I think this was the scene where he battled Neo in a gay bar, before one of his stilettos broke) battling Joseph Stalin, but I took her lead:

   Smith: Mr Stalin.
   Stalin: Who are you? How did you get in to the Kremlin?
   Smith: It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you’re not actually mammals.
   Stalin: Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed.
   Smith: You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area.
   Stalin: Everyone imposes his own system as far as his army can reach.
   Smith: There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You’re a plague and we are the cure.
   Stalin: Death is the solution to all problems. No man, no problem.

As Agent Smith contemplates Stalin’s response, a Soviet Red Guard shoots Smith in the back with an AK-47. As Smith appears to die, Joseph Stalin turns into Agent Smith.
   Agent Smith 1, Soviet Union 0.

The Nobel Prize committee likes that President Obama is warm. Over in France, Carla Bruni likes that presidents are cosy.
   Thanks to Michelle Kleinsmith for inspiring this post.

I take it that this American Flash Forward TV show is not the one everybody is talking about these days:

I was trying out a program that showed where one’s Twitter followers are on a map. I had no idea Brisbane was so far away from New Zealand.

   I will have to tell my friends on the US west coast how Brisbane is only a few hours’ flight away, at most.

This is as disturbing as when I began to see American publications capitalize after colons in 2001 (which is generally incorrect, according to US publishing professionals I asked, though there are exceptions; it is certainly incorrect in English).
   Carbon dioxide is written out in full or with CO, followed by a subscript 2. Technically, it is incorrect to write CO2. Normally in modern typesetting, if we do not have a subscript font, we would use the superior two (²) and move it down a few points. However, surfing today, I noticed a very disturbing C02 (C-zero-two) at both Reuter and the Los Angeles Times.
   I have no idea how this came about. There is no zero in carbon dioxide. This is as bad as those weather pages that insist that the temperature is measured in coulombs (C) and not degrees Celsius (°C).

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