I reached the 500th model milestone today on Autocade. The 500th entry was a very unlikely one, but it goes to show how varied the models are, and how they are not necessarily cars I even like!

Ford Fairlane (NL). 1996–9 (prod. unknown). 4-door sedan. F/R, 3984 cm³ (6 cyl. OHC), 4942 cm³ (V8 OHV). Final Fairlane on this platform, and last one to have a code unique to itself and LTD—its EA169 successor would be grouped under the AU colloquialism. Ghia trim reintroduced for 1998. Usual luxuries on a fairly rugged platform, beloved of hire car companies Down Under. Roomy and comfortable, though detail finish behind that of European and Japanese luxury cars.

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I am a sucker for the “could have been” car stories, so stumbling across American designer Herb Grasse’s site was a real bonus today.
   Grasse was associate designer on the original Adam West Batmobile but he worked on many production cars, too, including the original Dodge Challenger, the XD Ford Falcon, the original Ford Laser of 1980, and the second-generation Ford Telstar. He was chief designer at Nissan Australia before its demise.
   Start on Herb’s production cars’ page and link from there—a very fascinating portfolio. It shows the XD Falcon was far more Granada-like at drawing stage, and that the Mazda Familia origins of the Ford Laser were far more obvious in earlier sketches. The first Telstar had shades of the Ford Taurus years before that model’s launch, while a clay for the second Telstar showed strong EA26 Falcon influences.

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From: Jack Yan
To: Drake

Please encode message before sending.

Drake: given your recent successful assassinations, our organization will pay you to eliminate from New Zealand screens the Beaurepaires spokesman, Vince Martin. Since 1982 we have had to put up with his ads for Dunlop and Beaurepaires, listening to him whine about blunt axes and singing Christmas carols. You are free to choose what method of killing you like, but the old hallucination and dive out of a high-rise gag is a good standby. Try not to run afoul of Jim Phelps and his Mission: Impossible team if you can.—JY

Mission Impossible: The Killer, Part 1/7

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Dan Chan funeral order of service

I learned quite a few things about Dan Chan at his funeral last Wednesday in the eulogy delivered by historian Dr James Ng.
   Dan was born in China in 1907 but was educated in Australia, where his father worked, from 13—both at a state school in NSW and Scotch College in Melbourne. This was, as James told us, unusual in its day as most Chinese fathers of Dan’s era would have sent their children back to the old country.
   This foreign education meant that Dan was bilingual and a very well versed and philosophical writer. He had returned to China and Hong Kong to set up a business there but the Japanese invasion meant that he and his family had to flee to the antipodes.
   His education meant that he could stay in New Zealand because his work was needed in editing a magazine for expatriates here and Dan also helped members of the diaspora get money back to the old country (one of his proud accomplishments being the mastering of a code to aid the transfers).
   However, his business in New Zealand, as I knew it, was in the restaurant trade—back in those postwar days it was rare to see anyone other than Anglo New Zealanders in white-collar professions.
   This did bring his family some security and Dan was a great benefactor in the old country, even having a high school built.
   His contributions to New Zealand society were awarded with a Queen’s Service Medal and he was made an Officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit, which I understand equates roughly to an OBE.
   His driving licence was apparently still valid at the time of his passing. He was so alert and capable that instead of having an annual renewal—which is necessary for people at his age—he was given his for two years at age 99. He gave up driving voluntarily.
   As I said in my earlier tribute, he had a better memory for faces and people at age 100 than I do today.
   When you hear this history you come to realize that men like Dan, whom I knew more as being active in the Chinese New Zealand community, were actually the trailblazers who bridged the gulf between the émigrés and mainstream Kiwis.
   He was respected in legal circles, a recent conference only being funded because someone had made a large donation in his honour.
   The Otago University library holds Dan’s papers, a collection of writings between 1939 and 1999, often dealing with philosophy, not just Chinese issues.
   At his funeral, even former restaurateur and City Missioner Father Des Britten attended, along with engineer, blogger and historian Steven Young.
   Without his contribution and his readiness to work with institutions to help Chinese people in New Zealand, we would have been much the poorer. Dan was a great advocate.
   Although Dan had made it into the MSM when his ONZM was bestowed on him with the 2007 New Year honours, I found it a great surprise that the media missed his passing and a well attended funeral at Old St Paul’s.
   It may be a slight exaggeration to say that we would still be expected to run Chinese takeaways, laundromats and groceries—when you think about it, those days were within the lifetimes of many of us reading this post today. But certainly the idea of the well versed, professional Chinese New Zealander might not have been as well cemented, because the cultural gulf would not have been bridged as successfully.
   Those of us who enjoy professional positions today owe a debt of gratitude to men like Dan Chan. God bless you.

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This is more groovy than a roller-skating date with Olivia Newton-John, having a fondue party or getting Erik Estrada to give you a signed helmet.

Ford Falcon Hardtop (XC)

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Australians won’t find this as cool since they’ve had this model for a few months, but it was a treat for me to see the E241 Ford Falcon (or FG series) prior to its official New Zealand launch. These are at Manukau, Ford Motor Co.’s New Zealand HQ, along with a classic Model A in its reception area.
   The models are the top-of-the-line G6E luxury model and the performance hero, the XR8.
   In the metal, they look nice but not that big, especially as the CD345 Mondeo has grown considerably. The slab sides make for a less aggressive look, which I don’t think is that good an idea in 2008, but such gentler shapes will probably be perfectly timed for 2010. The Ford family look is very apparent, as well as VW–Audiesque touches such as the rising feature line in the doors’ lower sills.
   It will have its loyal fans and the cabbies will love the LPG versions, even if the Japanese are moving into that market like crazy.
   I can’t wait to drive it as I hear Ford is on to a winner and dynamically, the Falcon is better than its chief rival, the Holden Commodore. And it’s certainly better than any Ford sedan available in the Americas.
   But if it were my money, and I had to get a Ford, the Mondeo makes more sense considering it’s basically now the same size. I don’t need a big four-litre six or a V8 under the bonnet and while I prefer rear-wheel drive, I’m willing to sacrifice that for the better fuel economy of the Mondeo.

Ford Falcon G6E

Ford Falcon G6E rear three-quarters

Ford Falcon XR8 recharging

Ford Falcon XR8 rear

Ford Falcon XR8 side

Ford Model A

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I’m not even that huge a fan of Kath & Kim but I find the US remake news interesting. The two lead characters will still be Kath and Kim Day, but there will be no Sharon, Kel or Brett! Yes, they are being Americanized to Heather, Phil and Craig!
   I am keeping an open mind but just as I can’t visualize this set in the US, I can’t see Sharon called Heather!
   Official site is now up with very little content: http://www.nbc.com/Primetime/Kath_and_Kim/index.shtml.
   I’m wondering what sort of American accent would equate to Melbournian suburban—and no one I know in Melbourne talks like Kath and Kim anyway!

   Meanwhile, I understand that Outrageous Fortune already has a UK remake (Honest, with Amanda Redman) and that the US version approached Rene Russo for the Robyn Malcolm role, but IMDB says it has gone to Catherine O’Hara. I was wrong about the name: Throng reports it is to be called Good Behavior and IMDB confirms this.

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I say that my work at JY&A Consulting is developing plain-English strategies for our clients. So, I thought I’d give the Iraq war a shot and write my recollections in summary form. The Saddam Hussein voice should be read in a South Park style. Steve Bridges plays George W. Bush, with Rory Bremner as Tony Blair. Special guest appearance by Rupert Murdoch.

Saddam Hussein: I gotta gas those Kurds. Let’s let off some WMDs. Where did I put that invitation to those terrorists?
Saddam’s sons-in-law: Saddam has WMDs. A lot of them.
UN: Under the ceasefire, you can’t have them. We’re sending inspectors in.
Inspectors: We found some but there’s more based on what he had before, and we can’t figure out where they are.
UN: Say, Saddam, you need to tell us where some of this stuff has gone to.
Saddam Hussein: Here’s a big-ass report. Chew on that.
UN: Dude, this isn’t complete. In fact, it looks like you have pulled it out of your ass.

Security Council president: Let’s have a vote on a resolution. Who says that we should punish Saddam Hussein if he doesn’t front up on info about his potential for WMDs, where he’s disposed of some of the ones the inspectors can’t find any more, and sort out the money he owes Kuwait?
Security Council members: Yes, we should!
Security Council president: Cool, 15 to 0. Wow, that’s better than that time Saddam invaded Kuwait.

UN: Well, Saddam, here’s resolution 1441. You’ll be in serious trouble if you don’t comply.
Saddam Hussein: Hey, don’t worry about it.

Iraqi ambassador to UN: Here’s the new report.
UN: This is just as stupid as the earlier stuff you handed in. Didn’t you read the questions?
Iraqi ambassador to UN: Yeah, but what are you going to do? Dumbasses.

USA: Right, that means we have to punish this guy under resolution 1441.
France: You need to get one more resolution for military action before you do that.
USA: And if we do, what will do you?
France: We’d veto it.
USA: Basically you are saying that no matter what resolution the international community has voted on, you don’t think we should enforce it?
France: In a word, no. But it’s because of the UN Charter that we have to all agree on military action before we do anything.
USA: Screw you, peacenik.
France: Screw you, warmonger.

George W. Bush: Tony, the French are being assholes. If we don’t enforce this, we’ll look dumb, the UN will look impotent, and Saddam Hussein could continue building up an arsenal. Whatever the case, we don’t know what that smug sonofabitch is doing.
Tony Blair: I agree, George. We either enforce the law, or we say that laws don’t matter. I couldn’t run a country like that.
Gordon Brown: I don’t know if he can run a country. I would do a better job and I have the same initials as the American guy.
John Howard: Count me in.
Jacques Chirac: I hate Americans. But I did meet that Saddam in 1975. Nice guy. We had dinner together.
Jiang Zemin: I like Americans. When they are at war, their economy will be in trouble and they will have to buy more stuff from us!

George W. Bush: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Congress, we have to go to war to enforce international law. Who’s with me?
Majority of Congress: We are.
Minority of Congress: We like French food.

Saddam Hussein: Looks like I’m f***ed. Get me Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, the Information Minister!
France: Told you so, the Americans are warmongers.
Liberal media: Don’t worry, we’ll do what we can with slanted reporting to make the troops feel bad. And we’ll give that Information Minister dude a lot of air time.
Rupert Murdoch: Not on my watch. I can set Bill O’Reilly on you.

   Now, I know I have missed out some facts to get it into summary format, and the Commander-in-Chief has been edited for fluency, but consider how long the last post was!

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Today is Anzac Day. There were a lot of diplomatic corps cars around the Tomb of the Unknown Warrior and the National War Memorial today to commemorate this in Wellington. God bless our troops, their families and their sacrifices.

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There is a commercial for either the Yellow Pages or a company called Southern Plumbing here in Wellington. Now, it doesn’t give a phone number (kind of ironic if it is for the Yellow Pages) otherwise I’d have called them the minute I heard this on the radio.
   The ad begins with a southern American woman talking about how she had coons, and she threw the Yellow Pages at them. It goes on with her complaining about coons and how she has to get rid of them, and the last sound in the scene is her priming her shotgun.
   I can’t see the connection to plumbing because for most of the broadcast I am in total shock.
   Yes, she uses the word coon.
   I know you can be ignorant and assume that coon is short for raccoon, which is bound to be what they will say, but why then did the woman need to have a southern US accent? Maybe the Americans reading this can inform me if there more raccoons in the south.
   I just thought of the Ku Klux Klan.
   The Yellow Pages company in New Zealand was recently bought by an American corporation so I don’t buy the argument that with the new management no one knew about the racial connotations.
   It paints the whole image of the Klan, lynchings and murders of black Americans.
   If the Southern Plumbing I linked is the firm that has put this ad out in conjunction with the Yellow Pages, then I would be seriously worried.
   I have written to the firm. I would like to think this ad was done out of sheer ignorance but there are way too many coincidences here. If they realize they have few African-ethnicity clients on their database it sure won’t be down to the small number of people of African descent in New Zealand.

PS.: The term is used in Australia, too, referring to Aboriginals:

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,22931249-5001021,00.html

which makes me wonder just how many New Zealanders made the same connection.—JY

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