35 posts tagged “australia”

I’m not even that huge a fan of Kath & Kim but I find the US remake news interesting. The two lead characters will still be Kath and Kim Day, but there will be no Sharon, Kel or Brett! Yes, they are being Americanized to Heather, Phil and Craig!
   I am keeping an open mind but just as I can’t visualize this set in the US, I can’t see Sharon called Heather!
   Official site is now up with very little content: http://www.nbc.com/Primetime/Kath_and_Kim/index.shtml.
   I’m wondering what sort of American accent would equate to Melbournian suburban—and no one I know in Melbourne talks like Kath and Kim anyway!

 

   Meanwhile, I understand that Outrageous Fortune already has a UK remake (Honest, with Amanda Redman) and that the US version approached Rene Russo for the Robyn Malcolm role, but IMDB says it has gone to Catherine O’Hara. I was wrong about the name: Throng reports it is to be called Good Behavior and IMDB confirms this.

I say that my work at JY&A Consulting is developing plain-English strategies for our clients. So, I thought I’d give the Iraq war a shot and write my recollections in summary form. The Saddam Hussein voice should be read in a South Park style. Steve Bridges plays George W. Bush, with Rory Bremner as Tony Blair. Special guest appearance by Rupert Murdoch.

Saddam Hussein: I gotta gas those Kurds. Let’s let off some WMDs. Where did I put that invitation to those terrorists?
Saddam’s sons-in-law: Saddam has WMDs. A lot of them.
UN: Under the ceasefire, you can’t have them. We’re sending inspectors in.
Inspectors: We found some but there’s more based on what he had before, and we can’t figure out where they are.
UN: Say, Saddam, you need to tell us where some of this stuff has gone to.
Saddam Hussein: Here’s a big-ass report. Chew on that.
UN: Dude, this isn’t complete. In fact, it looks like you have pulled it out of your ass.

Security Council president: Let’s have a vote on a resolution. Who says that we should punish Saddam Hussein if he doesn’t front up on info about his potential for WMDs, where he’s disposed of some of the ones the inspectors can’t find any more, and sort out the money he owes Kuwait?
Security Council members: Yes, we should!
Security Council president: Cool, 15 to 0. Wow, that’s better than that time Saddam invaded Kuwait.

UN: Well, Saddam, here’s resolution 1441. You’ll be in serious trouble if you don’t comply.
Saddam Hussein: Hey, don’t worry about it.

Iraqi ambassador to UN: Here’s the new report.
UN: This is just as stupid as the earlier stuff you handed in. Didn’t you read the questions?
Iraqi ambassador to UN: Yeah, but what are you going to do? Dumbasses.

USA: Right, that means we have to punish this guy under resolution 1441.
France: You need to get one more resolution for military action before you do that.
USA: And if we do, what will do you?
France: We’d veto it.
USA: Basically you are saying that no matter what resolution the international community has voted on, you don’t think we should enforce it?
France: In a word, no. But it’s because of the UN Charter that we have to all agree on military action before we do anything.
USA: Screw you, peacenik.
France: Screw you, warmonger.

George W. Bush: Tony, the French are being assholes. If we don’t enforce this, we’ll look dumb, the UN will look impotent, and Saddam Hussein could continue building up an arsenal. Whatever the case, we don’t know what that smug sonofabitch is doing.
Tony Blair: I agree, George. We either enforce the law, or we say that laws don’t matter. I couldn’t run a country like that.
Gordon Brown: I don’t know if he can run a country. I would do a better job and I have the same initials as the American guy.
John Howard: Count me in.
Jacques Chirac: I hate Americans. But I did meet that Saddam in 1975. Nice guy. We had dinner together.
Jiang Zemin: I like Americans. When they are at war, their economy will be in trouble and they will have to buy more stuff from us!

George W. Bush: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Congress, we have to go to war to enforce international law. Who’s with me?
Majority of Congress: We are.
Minority of Congress: We like French food.

Saddam Hussein: Looks like I’m f***ed. Get me Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, the Information Minister!
France: Told you so, the Americans are warmongers.
Liberal media: Don’t worry, we’ll do what we can with slanted reporting to make the troops feel bad. And we’ll give that Information Minister dude a lot of air time.
Rupert Murdoch: Not on my watch. I can set Bill O’Reilly on you.

   Now, I know I have missed out some facts to get it into summary format, and the Commander-in-Chief has been edited for fluency, but consider how long the last post was!

Today is Anzac Day. There were a lot of diplomatic corps cars around the Tomb of the Unknown Warrior and the National War Memorial today to commemorate this in Wellington. God bless our troops, their families and their sacrifices.

There is a commercial for either the Yellow Pages or a company called Southern Plumbing here in Wellington. Now, it doesn’t give a phone number (kind of ironic if it is for the Yellow Pages) otherwise I’d have called them the minute I heard this on the radio.
   The ad begins with a southern American woman talking about how she had coons, and she threw the Yellow Pages at them. It goes on with her complaining about coons and how she has to get rid of them, and the last sound in the scene is her priming her shotgun.
   I can’t see the connection to plumbing because for most of the broadcast I am in total shock.
   Yes, she uses the word coon.
   I know you can be ignorant and assume that coon is short for raccoon, which is bound to be what they will say, but why then did the woman need to have a southern US accent? Maybe the Americans reading this can inform me if there more raccoons in the south.
   I just thought of the Ku Klux Klan.
   The Yellow Pages company in New Zealand was recently bought by an American corporation so I don’t buy the argument that with the new management no one knew about the racial connotations.
   It paints the whole image of the Klan, lynchings and murders of black Americans.
   If the Southern Plumbing I linked is the firm that has put this ad out in conjunction with the Yellow Pages, then I would be seriously worried.
   I have written to the firm. I would like to think this ad was done out of sheer ignorance but there are way too many coincidences here. If they realize they have few African-ethnicity clients on their database it sure won’t be down to the small number of people of African descent in New Zealand.

PS.: The term is used in Australia, too, referring to Aboriginals:

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,22931249-5001021,00.html

which makes me wonder just how many New Zealanders made the same connection.—JY

NBC has announced its new schedule for 2008 and, Journeyman fans, our fave is gone.
   In its place is an American remake of Australian sitcom Kath & Kim.
   You poor, poor bastards.
   Well, let me rephrase that. I like Kath & Kim but I only think it works in Australia. And as the first Aussie sitcom I can think of to get the American remake treatment, I just can’t see Molly Shannon and Selma Blair pull off, ‘Look at me. Look at me.’
   Maybe I am wrong as the Americans managed to make more episodes of Three’s Company and The Office than the original British producers could thanks to larger budgets, and keep them reasonably funny in their own way.
   I just get visions of Joey-style writing and direction rather than anything inspired like Flight of the Conchords or Extras.
   What the heck, here’s a YouTube video. Can this work as an American sitcom, in a Trailer Park Boys vein? What accent will Shannon and Blair adopt?

   For a country that puts out good, original sitcoms like My Name Is Earl, Americans are creative enough to come up with their own ideas—though having said that, I hope Kath & Kim creators Jane Turner and Gina Riley make a ****load of money from the adaptation, which they will also executive-produce.
   On the plus side, Knight Rider is back. Great! No story arcs or all that complicated plotting that US shows are known for of late. Just a good ol’ fashioned American TV show with plenty of cheese and a talking car. Let’s hope Val Kilmer comes back as KITT.

Another item on Yola Lucire, this time in The Times–Leader in Pa.:

In January, the state medical board in Sydney, Australia, admonished psychiatrist Yolande Lucire for testifying in a court case about her belief that Ritalin and similar drugs had produced residual organic hallucinosis in children that might explain their violence later in life. The board said it disagreed with her and ordered Lucire to make an appointment with a senior psychiatrist for therapy, to help her deal with her problem of making unconventional diagnoses.

   Man, I’d hate to get ill there if all diagnoses had to be in line with what the establishment and probably Big Pharma had to say. What is this? Some psychatric version of the Soviet Union where dissenting opinions are not allowed?

From the Chicago Sun–Times:

Ferrari’s main rivals in the 1960s were Italy’s new, upstart Lamborghini, older Maserati—and England’s veteran Aston Martin. Ferrari meant the 275 GTB to be the most desirable exotic sports car, especially the more powerful GTB/4 model, which had four—instead of two—overhead camshafts.
   The 275 GTB is “the Russell Crowe of Ferraris—rugged, powerful and as much as any other production model, it is the icon of Ferrari,” says the March issue of Sports Car Market Newsletter magazine.

   What, you mean it challenges others to fights but loses? That’s not how I remember the 275 GTB.
   This is why it can be dangerous to equate a car with a personality. We might hold different ideas but no matter how I stretch my imagination I cannot think of Mr Crowe as “iconic” in any way. Yes, an Oscar-winning actor, but an icon?
   Maybe it’s a tall poppy thing, but I don’t think so.

I am morally against bank fees, and the ANZ Bank has usually been very good at making sure that I am not charged them.
   However, since late last year, despite protests, they haven’t been able to rid me of a $5 per month charge on an account I have held with the bank since the 1990s.
   So, it’s time to leave.
   I understand that the Taranaki Savings Bank has a no-fee policy for balances over $5,000, and it may be time to go patriotic and support a non-foreign-owned place.
   The problem is: there is a single branch out on Lambton Quay here in Wellington. I have enquired before about how deposits are made but if there are Voxers in New Zealand out there banking with TSB, I’d like to learn how you’ve found the process in practice.
   I also have a US dollar-only account, which TSB told me I could have. It’s also fee-free, which beats the $20 per month charge ANZ makes. So how is TSB when it comes to crediting US dollar cheques for a US dollar account?
   ANZ needs to realize it needs to keep a promise. It said it would fix things. It said that with the demise of the old type of account I had, there would be no difference. On both occasions the bank lied.
   I can afford the $5 but it’s the principle. They are making money off my money. In essence, they are borrowing money from me.
   If I borrow from them, they charge me interest.
   If they borrow from me, I should expect at least that I am not penalized for my generosity.
   This is how banks work.
   Of course, with even banking lawyers fuzzy on their understanding of such fundamental laws as the Bills of Exchange Act 1908, I am not surprised that banks themselves operate on questionable advice.
   They have suckered New Zealanders into expecting that fees are normal. Kiwis, they are not normal. They are actually immoral.
   I don’t think you will find any banker who went through the traditional training who will agree that bank charges make sense.
   Why do you think there are seniors’ packages that are fee-free? Because the seniors remember what banking is really like. Treat them like someone not old enough to have a bus pass and a pension, then you can watch Grey Power revolt.
   TSB customers, give me a shout if you have some advice on how your bank is in real life.
   I want my bank to treat me like an OAP.

N.B.: This does not affect Lucire LLC, only Jack Yan & Associates. It will take me a few weeks to sort this out due to busy-ness, so if clients are reading this, don’t change your payment method just yet!—JY

We occasionally Google the term Lucire to check for trade mark infringements, and another Lucire always comes up: Australian forensic psychiatrist Dr Yolande Lucire.
   Yola and I exchanged emails many years ago because she was intrigued by the magazine’s name. I found her personable and genuine—and very smart.
   She is very famous in her field in Australia, and often testifies in court as an expert witness. Her thinking can, from what I understand, fall outside the square, because she is perceptive enough to see beyond establishment lies and the commercialization of her profession by Big Pharma.
   Now there is a case where she testified, and the judge agreed with her, but her own professional committee, the NSW Medical Board Professional Standards Committee, is smearing her and ordering her to get psychiatric help.
   In other words, she’s being reprimanded because she tells the truth, and that truth isn’t something corporate interests and the establishment want to hear.
   Philip Barton writes on his blog, ‘Dr. Lucire testified in court about the direct relationship between SSRI antidepressants and violent crime and suicide amongst young people.’
   The establishment didn’t like that.
   Now, Yola wouldn’t have testified this if she didn’t find this in her own research and unlike so many others, she simply refused to cover it up.
   Maybe the Committee would like to teach her how to fake the results of her own scientific tests.
   ‘Whilst the judge found in favour of Dr. Lucire’s testimony her own organization reprimanded her and ordered her to get psychiatric help.’
   In short: say something Big Pharma disagrees with, and it will say you need help.
   Maybe Ritalin and other drugs help some people, but even as a layman I can’t discount the possibility that Yola’s own research is right.
   Galileo had the same run-in with the Church over that whole “the earth is round” gag, and, in time, Big Pharma might be seen to be backward and pathetic.
   I may know zilch about psychiatry, but I know a malicious smear campaign when I see it. Stay the course, Yola.

[Cross-posted] Lucire editor Laura Ming-Wong, Miss New Zealand 2007 Laural Barrett and I will be among the judges of the StarNow 2008 Australian Model Search. 
   Each time I judge a competition, I get asked what I am looking for.
   The requirements of a fashion magazine for models include talent that can look different each time. We don’t want a Derek Zoolander with a Blue Steel look. We want a model who, depending on angle, poses, mood and just her “look” can convey anything from cool to sultry, playful to dramatic.
   I don’t think conventional beauty always works with models, either. This idea has been helped by shows such as America’s Next Top Model: all the girls on that are stunning but very quickly, Tyra and her judges whittle the contestants down, often starting with the least flexible and most conventional of them.
   When judging the Cadbury Dream Model Search last year, I really liked how my fellow judges were conscious of family and education commitments, as I was. This is important, too: the maturity of the entrant and whether she has the focus that will enable her to succeed both in her education and in her career.
   Modelling, despite the mischief Kate Moss might get up to, is not fun and games. This is work, and usually very hard work. Discipline is key to the job.
   We look forward to seeing what entrants are signing up the competition and if it sounds like you, surf to www.starnow.com.au/modelsearch.