Zak’s two cents

My friend Zak Klemmer and I met online about 10 years ago, and in person seven years ago. He wrote me with this interesting anecdote recently and gave me permission to publish it. I can understand why Americans dislike their government’s bureaucracy: I can’t blame them. It’s particularly amusing for us in a country that abandoned 1¢ and 2¢ pieces 17 years ago.

My Miata wouldn’t pass the emissions test with out having mechanical work done. Had I realized what the problem was I could have had it fixed under the warranty when I bought the car in April of 2004. I ended up replacing 2 oxygen sensors and the catalytic converter in the exhaust manifold. I was 9,000 miles over the 8 year, 80,000 miles of coverage on the emissions equipment. But I digress.
   Since it wouldn’t pass and I didn’t have enough time before the registration expired I mailed the registration to Arizona’s Motor Vehicle Division with out the emissions certificate. They mailed it back to me with my un-cashed check and an extension of time for 5 weeks. So I had part of the work done namely replacing the oxygen sensors. The old trick of having a mechanic turn off the error on the sensors and thereby turning off the check engine light always worked in the past both in California and here in Arizona. However, Arizona must have upgraded their software this year and the test read that the sensor was turned off and wouldn’t pass or fail the test with out driving a certain amount of miles, which of course then the sensor would show a failure of the emissions equipment. An important point is that postal rates only increased May 14th and back in March a first class stamp was still only $0·39.
   So I run it through the emissions test again and it finally passes whaa hoo! Then I drive over to the MVD and present my documents to the clerk. The clerk is a 60ish white woman, a very large turquoise ring on the first finger of her left hand and very large earrings which were about 1¼” square dangling diagonally from one corner on short chains. She doesn’t look at me, say hello or anything at all, just starts typing away on her computer processing my registration.
   My registration fees were $118.00 and when she asked me for $136.00, I asked her “why?” She informed me that I was late! I questioned her, informing her that the registration fee was mailed in on time and that I had obtained 2 extensions the second of which cost me $15.00. My out was that it failed to pass emissions so we had a short conversation and when I wouldn’t pay the late fee she excuses herself and came back a minute later presenting me with a certificate of “Non Operation” to sign, which of course I signed.
   Then she places the registration paper with the license plate sticker on the counter. Thinking that we are done here I start to get out of the chair and she says: “You owe two cents.”
   Why? I ask. She informs me that the two cents due because postage went up. Well I’m thinking that postage just went up and back in March when I mailed in my registration it was still $0.39. Rather then using logic I decided to make a joke of this so I tell her: “You have got to be kidding me, this is the funniest thing that I’ve ever heard.”
   “Well I’m not laughing!” She tells me as I reach into my pocket and hand her the two cents. Then she mumbles something that she hopes she doesn’t type in $20.00 rather then $0.02. I wonder if the clowns at the MVD are hitting up every motorist for two cents?
   Happy Motoring!